Friday, June 7, 2013

Three years ago

Dear Michael,

  I can't believe three years have passed since you died. I still think of you every single moment of every single day. It's as if you are physically a part of me. You are my in my thoughts, in my breath, in my entire existence. Especially in my heart.

  So much has changed in the past year. In the past few months actually. I'm getting married. And Julia and I moved to South Carolina. It's a good thing for us. It took a while, but I am able to feel happiness again. And I am. Happy, that is. And so is Julia.

  I promise you that Andrew will take good care of our girl and love her as much as you do. She's better off with a father figure around. To be honest, I haven't been stellar as a single mom. I've lived in a constant state of being overwhelmed. I was working, going to school and at one point even doing an internship. All while trying to raise our daughter. It was so hard doing it alone.

  Despite my flaws, Julia is an amazing little girl. She just finished kindergarten. She is reading chapter books. She tells jokes. She laughs hysterically. She is eager to learn. But in many ways, she is still the same little girl you knew. She still likes her routines. She still eats the same food. She still won't try new things. She still takes Ella everywhere she goes.

  I try to tell her things about you. I told her about your white eyebrow a while ago. She thought it was funny. I'm doing my best to keep your memory alive for her. It breaks my heart that she won't know you.

  It's somewhat bittersweet, getting ready to start this new chapter of our lives. But I know in my heart you would want me to be happy. Because that's who you were. That's the kind of person you were.

  I feel so blessed to have been your wife. You taught me so much about how to love and be loved. Thank you for that. For everything.

  I miss you.

  I love you.

  Love,
  C

1 comment:

Lynn Kelly said...

Bless you and your daughter, Carrie. I've read your wonderful memorials of your life with your husband and my heart breaks for you both. It's wonderful to hear you've found a way to move forward...not move on, that sounds as if you're leaving your life with Mike by the wayside...moving forward you can carry all your love and memories of your life with him while still enjoying the time you have now.
Bless you...that's all I can think to say.