It never ends

I left the hospital feeling somewhat positive last night. Mike had been eating and a little more alert. When I got there this morning at 7:45, he was too weak to get out of bed.

The doctor thinks the lack of nutrition is taking its toll. So the goal for the day was supposed to be getting Mike to drink some protein shakes and eat something like applesauce.

But there are a million things going on. They can't figure out what's causing him to have a fever. They think it's an infection and they've been treating with antibiotics. But today they brought in an infectious disease specialist, who ordered some CT scans to see if there's infection growing somewhere it's not supposed to be. And to get a CT scan, he has to drink a ton of this chalky fluid. So much for getting him to eat to help him regain his strength.

His red blood cells are back to normal. The white ones are creeping up. I think they are supposed to be 3.9. His earlier this week were 0.16. Today they are 0.29.

I'm starting to lose track of all that is going on. There's a kidney doctor who sees him, an endocrinologist, a nutritionist, and now this other doctor. I feel so bad for him. He never gets a moment's rest.

The only good thing is that before Dr. Neel left this morning, he told him that while it doesn't seem like it, he will start to feel better.

More waiting

Mike is still weak today, still struggling to talk, sit up and eat. I asked the doctor WHEN he is going to start feeling better. The answer: It will take some time. They say that because he's been on chemo for a year and a half, it has a cumulative effect and it takes a while to bounce back from something like this.

He did sit up for a bit today and after threat of a feeding tube, he finally drank a protein shake, had some juice and ate applesauce. It's the first he's eaten since Sunday morning. The dietician said he wouldn't get any better if he wasn't getting some nutrition. They're counting his calories tonight to see what he can get in him. I guess if he doesn't meet a certain level, he'll be getting a tube down his nose. I am really really really praying that won't happen. Hopefully they will see he is making some effort.

He also actually watched some TV, sports of course. And I read some of the newspaper to him. I was happy to report to him that Maria Sharapova is out of the Australian Open.

Lisa decided to stay a couple more days and I'm actually going to go into work for a few hours tomorrow, so I don't use up all my sick time this week. If anyone wants to email me, it's ccherry@floridatoday.com

Day three

Much of the same for Mike again today. Though there have been some teeny improvements, which we'll gladly take.

He ate a couple of popsicles and drank half a soda. He hasn't had a bite of food since Sunday morning. Also the doctor wanted him to sit up today, so he sat in the chair in his room for about half an hour.

He's still just so tired and so weak. The hardest thing for me is that he's not talking, except for a word here and there. He just doesn't have the strength or energy to make the words. I miss hearing his voice.

The blood tests showed his kidneys were normal, so that is good. But his blood counts are still low. He's having another blood transfusion tonight, and he had an infusion of platelets this afternoon. He gets a shot every day of some drug that is supposed to boost his white blood cells. They just haven't gone up yet. A nurse told me today that often they will stay low and then jump up quickly.

I get the sense that this is really just a waiting game. The doctor and the nurses keep saying his counts will go up and he'll start feeling better. I just want it to happen right now.

Lisa is leaving tomorrow. She has been such a help. She went to the hospital early this morning, so I could spend some time with Julia. I hadn't seen her for days. And my mom has been watching her and helping around the house. My friend Sara is going to watch Julia on Friday so I can go into work for a little while and she made me some lasagna. Sue is coming down next week. I am so grateful to have such a good support system.

I will update everyone tomorrow.

More of the same

Today was pretty much a repeat of yesterday. Mike is still weak, not able to talk very much and is sleeping a lot. His white blood cells are still pretty low. They are giving him medication to get it back up. He got a blood transfusion this afternoon and that brought his red cells back up, so we're hoping that will give him some strength back.

I just wish it would happen soon.

He's still running a fever and is receiving antibiotics to help him fight whatever the infection might be.

We're doing a lot of waiting and hoping all the fluids and meds will kick in and he'll start feeling better.

My sister-in-law Lisa is here and my mom has been taking care of Julia. Thank you for all the phone calls and messages. I will try to keep everyone posted on this site.

Please keep praying.

Please pray

Mike is in the hospital. He's been having a lot of side effects from chemo, which culminated in him getting dehydrated and having low blood pressure and low blood counts, in addition to a really bad bloody nose.

This morning, he was so weak, he couldn't walk. We went to the emergency room and they admitted him. They've been giving him fluids and various medications and platelets to get his counts back up. The bleeding finally stopped and he's been resting all day.

Dr. Neel stopped in this afternoon and said he thought Mike should be feeling better in a couple days. Part of the problem is that Mike is so stubborn, he didn't get help earlier in the week and let it go so long. I think he's learned his lesson on that.

But later tonight, Mike developed a fever and the nurses fear he's got an infection, which he won't be able to fight because he has no white blood cells. They're trying to pinpoint what it is, and are giving him antibiotics in the meantime.

Please keep us in your prayers. This is a really scary time.

We're ok

So many of you have sent notes asking how we're doing after this most recent setback. So I thought I would address that. Yes, the news really really really sucks. But we're getting through.

For the first three days or so I think we walked around in a stunned sort of numbness. I couldn't really think about anything else. I was clinging to Mike, not really letting him out of my sight. I sat outside the bathroom while he showered.

It's Mike who's lifting me up. We had this conversation last week:
Me: What are we supposed to do here?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: I mean, are we just supposed to walk around like nothing is wrong?
Him: What do you want to do?
Me: I want to lay in bed and not move.
Him: What good would that do? We have to keep living our lives.

Mike is right. I would say a relative normal has set back in and we're focusing on thinking positive about chemo and keeping up the fight. We have this beautiful girl who needs us and who makes it very hard to be in a bad mood. Mike is still working, covering games in the freezing cold. School started back up this week for me. Julia still demands to be tickled every half hour or so, and one of us will always oblige. We are OK.

It helps that you all are thinking of us too.

An update

Just back from Dr. Neel's and an afternoon in the treatment center. Mike's now had two treatments. He'll be off next week, then go back for two more.

Here's some of what the doctor said: It was a little bit shocking to see the progression Mike's cancer had made. He called it "dramatically worse." There are numerous areas in the liver, with the one spot that was 1 cm now close to 5 cm. Some of the lymph nodes in his chest have grown to the point that if they get much bigger could keep his lungs from fully expanding.

So that really sucks. But there was some hope. For one, he said the liver is a pretty remarkable organ in that the tumors really have to be massive for there to be trouble. And right now, Mike's not having any problem breathing.

I asked this question: Are we at a point where this is life threatening? Dr. Neel said no. Right now, all of Mike's organs are functioning and he's not having any cancer-related symptoms. What the situation is though is a warning and an alert telling us we have to get back on chemo. If growth continues unchecked and can't be brought under control, then it becomes life threatening. And the chemo that Mike's on has a proven track record with him and we just have to be hopeful it works again.

So that's what we're doing. Hoping and praying.

And we're also trying to stay warm. It's been FREEZING -- in Florida. Julia has the right idea -- flannel pajamas, a blanket and a favorite book. (Just had to throw in a picture of her for good measure.)